how tired am I ?

This can be good news or bad news, finally, my brother is going to his university life. he choose the same university with me. He work hard, he can study alone until midnight. i feel very happy because he change he attitude to study hard. But don't know what happen, i feel so stress too. Maybe i think this is my responsibility to take care of him, as one of the family members, as a sister. Sometime i will care him much that me. For example, if my class at 8 a.m, that is a possibility wake up at 7 o'clock. But because of my brother come to here, I wake up early just because i want confirm he wake up already. Although i don't have class or I sleep at 2 a.m. yesterday. I will help him to do all the thing i can, as a responsibility person, it is so difficult for me. But I'm really is that kind of people. My exam is coming soon, but i just scare, I don't know what should I do to improve myself, I know how weak I am. It is seriously tired when you feel stress but you can't make yourself concentrate to the examination. This is the last semester for me in the foundation, I hope that i won't fail any subject. Hope that god bless me. I will try to make myself study hard before and during the examination. Yesterday, I feel painful because I know something in real. Actually, how many friends I have at the University? I know many people, but how many people I really can talk with, play with, enjoy with,laugh with, stay with? Yesterday is the BBQ event day. This BBQ create by my friends same foundation with me. But i didn't go. I feel sad because finally I didn't join them. Why I didn't join? Because I scare lonely. I will agree to attend this event because of one friend, she go so I brave to join. But suddenly she tell me she didn't go. So I also tell my friends i didn't join too. I scare I'm the people ignore by other, actually I always have friends to accompany just because I have one smart friend accompany me. If she not around me, I just a people who not really have any sense of presence. I just like, don't know how to join another people, maybe I scare I too stupid and don't have confidence that can let people like to be friends with me. I don't know why I will become like that. Before enter to University, I'm a very hopefulness people, I will try to help people, try to be friend with other. I can go to talking with all my classmate at secondly school although different class student or different age. But how about now? Just the classmate I still don't have the chance to talk with them, how can be friends? maybe because I don't have the ability to be their friend? Actually I not really don't have any friends at University, I know a lot of people. But all of them clever, beautiful and smart, how about me. I just try to get help from my friend but I just like didn't have any function for them. I feel that I'm very useless. Maybe, this is a exam for my by the god. God hope that though this event I can know that how much important to have more friends. But I really can get ??I think I should learn a very important thing before I try to get more friends, which is learn to change. I should change my attitude, change my knowledge become more clever and useful, try to improve for all aspects, try to be a good people and try to make me believe to myself. The most important thing is, I can change my negative thinking to positive. Like my first personal presentation in the second semester of my foundation, "start from zero". There are a lot of chance to us to start again from the beginning. Don't give up,I will success in the future... I'm a hopefulness people ...